Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
