with your own penis?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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