Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
