dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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