I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
