im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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