they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
