i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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