Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
