Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
