I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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