no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
