I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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