i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
