Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
