I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
