You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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