So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
