It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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