why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
