Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Randomize
