I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
