So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
