I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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