you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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