i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i out mim tonsoeep
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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