I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
