He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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