Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
