So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
