i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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