It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
