where am i from again
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
