sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
