Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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