so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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