I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
