3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Randomize
