dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
