we have pet lesbian snakes
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
