everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
