I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
