I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
