puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
