We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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