We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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