I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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