I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
