I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
