Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My liver just had a heart attack.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
