Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
