Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
