I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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