I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
